Thank you for your prayers, comments and encouragement from the story I wrote about crying on my closet floor. Since then, we’ve celebrated 3 years of beautiful marriage, hosted a wonderful bunch of people for my 34th birthday, and Lifa got his first bloody nose at a rugby practice. He felt like he had finally become a man.

He shaved slashed lines through his eyebrows

He never wears the actual school uniform.

He comes into a room, and the room responds.

I could go on and on describing the big, tough, intimidating presence in the inner-city class I’m teaching. And then I’d watch your face change when I told you he is only 13.  The last five weeks has been quite a journey with Arise Cape Town. I’ve been going into a high school into an impoverished, gang-/drug-infested area of town to work with 8th and 9th grade boys who’ve been identified as “needing an intervention” for their anger problems.

Did you see our new house!?!

There is one thing I didn’t show you on the tour: our closet.  

First, you should know that closets are almost non-existent in South Africa. If you’re lucky, you get a few built-in cupboards. Chris and I have never been able to fit both of our clothes in our bedroom before now. You can imagine the squeals of delight when we opened this little magic door in our bedroom…

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ladd Family is HOME.

We’ve been like the three bears from the famous Goldilocks story since we moved to Cape Town. The first house was lovely, but not in the right community for our family. The second house was in a great community, but was far too big once we made the decision that most church-building events would take place outside of the home.

I grew up surrounded by cousins. Vacations, holidays, sleepovers, Saturdays… anything fun happened with cousins in tow.

My cousin Carli has been my lifelong closest friend. We spent our childhood making radio shows, being fake Avon ladies on fake phones, coordinating jumpers and jellies, concocting absurd recipes for cooking shows, spying on the grown-ups with disposable cameras, feeding NaNa the yellow and green fruit snacks we didn’t like, and creating clubs, rules and games that always put our male cousin counterpart, Chaz at an impossible disadvantage. We still find the occasional mix tape, hilarious photo, or the newspaper we created in the treasure trove of NaNa’s house – evidence of the precious gift of cousins.

Needless to say, finding a good gym was important to me when we moved to Cape Town. I’m often the only female in the weight room, and I had no idea how much that would impact me. A year ago, I joined a small gym a mile from our house. I was lifting weights 4x/week and became a familiar face quickly… Because I was the only girl-face in the weight room. There was the guy who cleaned, the guy doing the same 5x5 program as me that always took his shoes off to lift, the guy who headphone-danced while he lifted, the guy who made secret videos of himself and sent loud voice messages between sets, the most adorable elderly man who would curl dumbbells and sweat buckets, and the guys who scream-talked about their favorite protein drinks. We all grew accustomed to seeing each other and exchanged polite smiles as we began workouts.

Here it is, world. The Internet’s first up close and personal interview with Lifa. I thought his would be the most qualified voice in the Ladd Family to celebrate Father’s Day, so I (Mom) interviewed Lifa on all the ins and outs regarding dads and why they are important. 

Three and a half years ago, I spent a week as a guest in glorious Cape Town, studying ministry development. I interviewed local leaders and social workers all day, and headed straight for the beach afterward. (Perks of the job – and this city!) I wondered aloud with the friend on the towel next to me why that other American, Chris Ladd, was sending me so many messages. We ate sushi almost every night while dreamt of and diagrammed ministry models….

The hero of our house is 35 today! Read a few mushy lines about why we celebrate him, and then leave Chris a birthday message in the comments please! We love you all and are so thankful you’ve come by.

I’m an “all or nothing” kind of lady. If I can’t do something all the way, I would rather not do it. It is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. My “all or nothing” mindset helped me to wholeheartedly commit my life to living in Africa and parenting Lifa as a single, young lady years ago. It helped me say, “I choose you,” to Chris Ladd when we had the fateful “business meeting” and decided to commit our lives to each other before we had ever even been on our first date. It helps me every morning when my alarm goes off at 4:40am to get up and get the most out of those quiet morning hours with God so that I can give my all to my family and our city for the rest of the day. It can also leave me empty from going, giving and going some more all day, every day.

Last year, we spent Father’s Day weekend tucked into a frost-covered tent under a blanket of South African stars. Our first six months in Cape Town had been challenging. Our souls needed the refuge of wide-open spaces. We drove three hours outside the city, hoping and praying that the campsite Chris found through a very extensive online search would be that refuge. We had reserved a campsite called Echo Valley, nestled perfectly inside of a mountain hug and at least one mile away from anyone else on the private nature reserve, Gecko Rock.

I’ve wanted to write a beautiful, adjective-smothered story about our amazing camping trip ever since we pulled out of the campsite last Tuesday morning. But the week didn’t go the way it was supposed to. (According to me.) It’s been almost a month since my womb released our baby girl 35 weeks too early, and we gave heaven a free one. I expected that, after a month, I would be able to type that sentence without weeping. I expected to be back on track physically. I expected to be better by now.

Our perfect little Ladd baby has already left a legacy in our family. In holding her and letting her go, we are changed forever. We can say with resolution that we are a family who pre-decides and re-decides every time we need to that our God is good. We rejoice, whether happy or sad, when heaven is populated. While she is rocked by angels in everlasting life, we get to give our lives on this earth for the purpose of populating heaven.

For a limited time, Lifa understands the world through our words, prayers, actions and interactions. His expectations, desires and reality are formed at his bedside nightly as we pray for friendship, school, courage, and character. His tastes are formed during the music marathons we play in the kitchen and in the conversation and meals we have at dinner. 

We had the teaching materials, projector, laptop, and sweets to use for the icebreaker game. It seemed like we were all set to go. But at the last minute, someone said, “Just one more thing – we should probably bring a bucket.” Yesterday, we began a group with Arise Cape Town for 8th and 9th graders who have experienced traumatic events and need help managing their residual stress. Every Thursday morning, we are graciously given an hour of school time, an open room, and 11 teenagers- all coping with PTSD in very different ways. 

I was a single missionary for my first five years in South Africa. I lived in a volatile and largely unpoliced part of the nation, and the window of opportunities seemed very small for this independent, adventure-loving lady. I eventually adapted to living behind security bars, not driving at night, and other new-life nuances. And then it just stopped working. Three years in, I hit rock bottom. 

The greatest win for today, however, is to stop asking questions and letting my insecurities and inadequacies spiral out of control. The greatest win is to just write something.

You have to be moving to have momentum. Your miracles and breakthroughs happen inside your momentum. We honor God with our movement.

It’s 5am in South Africa, and it’s Lifa’s birthday! 

There’s a pink-swirled sky, and I’m pouring through pictures of baby Lifa before his 10-year old self wakes up. 

LADD FAMILY MILESTONE: This is the first Christmas in the history of the Ladd family that we will all be in the same country! ...In two days, Lifa’s father will board the fanciest, memory foam recliner Greyhound has to offer and begin a 24-hour journey to Cape Town. He will spend two weeks with us, experiencing Lifa’s life as a part of our family. He will see Lifa’s room, watch him practice guitar, play Legos, ride bikes, walk the dogs, see Lifa’s school, and experience what an incredible young man Lifa is. 

I failed… A race report on UTCT 100km and an even better life lesson.  

A year ago, when we moved to Cape Town, I started to train for the Ultra Trail Cape Town.  This is a 100km race that circumnavigates Table Mountain and the surrounding mountains that grace Cape Town with so much beauty.  In this last year, I have lost 30+ pounds, sacrificed a lot of time, and worked my way up to 70 – 90 mile weeks of running.  I put everything I had into getting ready for this race.