🙌It's the Friday Call to Worship!🙌

I had an encounter with my pride this week.

I was born with a fierce stubbornness that's helped me jump in, without looking back, to what God has called me to. I drove a U-haul from my small hometown in Texas on my 22nd birthday. I moved to Los Angeles to start work and seminary in a city where I didn't know a soul. I moved to Africa on my own at 25 and became a mom. Somehow though... Even though I've lived on donations for 16 years...

I've held on to a stubborn, false belief that I should never... ever... be an inconvenience. I am genuinely honored to bear a burden for another but shudder when I "cost" someone time, attention, care or resources. It's not humility or servant-heartedness. It's pride, plain and simple. It's the deep desire of my flesh to be self-sufficient.

This week, it became undeniable that I can no longer care for our two youngest boys on my own. Our six-year old's nervous system disability keeps requires constant co-regulation. Breaking connection with him to care for his brother, prepare his snack, or even take a bathroom break, sends his body into the same level of panic as if he were being chased by a lion. I am not enough on my own.

We don't know how or what to change yet. But I changed when I popped my head in my husband's office and confessed, "This is my pride. I can't take care of our kids alone. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I feel like I should be able to raise my own kids."

He knew what I meant. He knows me. So does the Good Shepherd who gently leads me. I had to face my fears, shame, and the pride lurking below them before anything else could change. I felt heaviness lift instantly when I verbalized my confession.

It's His kindness that leads us to repentance. (Romans 2:4) Because of Jesus, we can confidently approach His throne to receive mercy and grace in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) He knows you. He gets you. He loves you.

Sing Torwalt's "Clean Heart" to the One who loves you with His whole heart.